Finality
I never understood him. I always expected that understanding would come with time, that if I gave enough of my self to him I would find his but it doesn’t work like that.
One day he will see that everything I did, even when it was wrongheaded and misguided was for him. One day he will see how much I did trying to make him whole again. One day he will see that he is not the only one who made sacrifices, he will see how much I gave and gave up to try to keep him. One day he will see how many times he broke my fragile heart, but that day is not today.
Today he calls me a monster. Today he uses the only weapons he has left with which to hurt me. Today he forgets that he cannot hurt me any more. Today he has not yet realized that once again my heart is hard and hidden, my mouth is bitter, and my eyes are dry.
This is the end. It wasn’t supposed to end this way, we were supposed to be adults. We were supposed to be friends, but I guess as far as he’s concerned my friendship is worthless as long as my legs stay closed. I suppose it’s for the best, he isn’t a very good friend anyway. I suppose it’s for the best, I needed to stop loving him eventually.
One day I’ll move on. One day I’ll find someone better, someone who has everything I admired in him and everything he mocked in me. It may very well take years but I am in no hurry. For now I’m all I can handle anyway.